Shards

Pool + wet bathing suit = not the best time to push the potty training. Seriously, I couldn’t put it off one more week?

I’m glad I didn’t bring my bikini. I’m way too pale and jiggly. Wait. That woman looks terrible in her bikini. I could have totally rocked my bikini. And that woman! No, wait. She’s tan and has a flat stomach. So glad I didn’t bring my bikini.

Let’s all lay down for a long nap so there will be no problems at dinner. Good mom plan! How did this turn into a 3 hour cartoon non-napping marathon? Disaster looms. God hates me.

I’m still not sold on reading on this Kindle. Have people done studies on environment and learning, like actually holding a book increases comprehension? I bet there’s grant money for that! That’s what I should do! That’s boring though. Sitting around, asking “Do you feel you retained more knowledge learning the material this way or that way?” and giving kids quizzes on it that they loathe and will probably purposefully throw the results. I bet those grant studies are why they make kids sit in those study group things during class now. A bunch of 12 year olds discussing the function of mitochondria. Really? Who cares what they feel about it? A half hour of banter, chatting about what’s in the damn book. You’re not curing cancer in junior high study groups. What a dumb idea.

She’s going to throw her shoes right off the balcony, I just know it. She’ll grow up to be like those rock stars that throw burning couches out of their 14th floor hotel room. Except she won’t be rich or famous and I’ll end up losing the house to pay for the lawsuit.

These new heels look so good on me. Why do I have such knobby knees? I could weigh 300 lbs. and I’d still have knobby knees. Whose fault is this? Mom? Dad? People aren’t just born this way.

Why are the only people taking advantage of our balcony? Maybe everyone else is out. No, that can’t be it. There are other people here with little kids. What, are they in bed already? Are we the only drunks at this hotel?

:crunch: Oh my god, she just bit through the lip of a water goblet! ….breath, wait for blood gushing from mouth….screeching….. No?? Where did the glass go? WHERE DID IT GO? Kid is going to give me an actual stroke.